:-)

So just have to say that I now have the most amazing boyfriend in the world! I’m so blessed :-)

I don’t understand why I can’t find someone that loves me for me. I don’t want a guy who wants to change me because I am who I am. And why do I always get stuck with all the guys who only want sex. I don’t have a stamp that say open for business on my head so why do they all assume that I want to have sex with them. I just want someone that can be there and love me…… Why does everyone else I know get to have that happy ever after and I’m stuck with the evil step mom. I want to say that life is just cruel and at times it just gets to the point where I don’t want to take it anymore I just want to give up and leave this world forever, would that be such a bad thing??? I just don’t get why I cant have that happy ending!! Guess I’m just doomed for life….. Lucky me!!!!

As I lay in my bed unable to sleep just staring at the darkness that consumes my room, I start to wonder what life would be like if I just left the damp coldness of my evil thoughts behind. I start to wonder if I will ever be able to free my self from the horrific shackles that have been laid upon me. As I walk threw my life I start to think what joys I could missing out on and what wonders are left to be to discover. I know that I will never truly be free unless I find a way to rid the evil that has plages my mind and soul threw all these years. As I sit and wonder if I will ever find love if I will ever find true happiness or will my life just be filled with horror. Many people go threw life and see the joy and sunshine, but when I look all I see is darkness and shadows. It makes me wonder if in just doomed for all eternity. I can’t tell the ones that I love how i feel because I don’t believe anyone truly feels, and I know that I am far from being saved. But I wonder if hiding my sorrows would work, pretending that these chains that hold me down are only a figment of my elaborate imagination? Or if some man will come and save the day and bring me into the light. But just when I feel that my life is becoming better and that the chains are starting to disappear, they always come back and trow me down like a forceful wind!!, it seams like every time I start to wonder about things that are unknown; that it is with that thought that only makes me weaker. So as i lay stating into the vast darkness of my room, I wonder when the devil inside of my souk will just come up and take me away, take me to a place where thinking is the last thing that would happen. A place that will make me numb so I won’t be in the now or in the when. And I wonder if that is a place that I should truly be. So I guess I will lay and wonder what could happen and what should happen, but unlit I free my self from these horrible chains I will be destined to lay and rot here for all entirety. I wonder??????